Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize