I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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