I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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