So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize