There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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