I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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