Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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