these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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