6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize