last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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