I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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