I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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