Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i believe in u and ur pee
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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