so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize