Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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