good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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