so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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