god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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