Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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