6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think a kid would responsible me up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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