he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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