very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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