i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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