Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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