I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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