winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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