I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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