did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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