Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize