the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
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my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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