Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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