i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
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Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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