Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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