Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize