Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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