What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
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Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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