I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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