I don't usually arrange sex via text message
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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