It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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