I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
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I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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