he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize