it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize