I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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