I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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