This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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