My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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