I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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