I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize