you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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