anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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